Rango

I will begin by saying that Rango is not a kids’ film. Or rather, it is not a little kids’ film. Or rather, little kids can watch it (I did when I was little) but it may be a little too much for some. Yes, of course it seems like just the story of a lonely chameleon who creates his own social life out of plastic toys and dead bugs, finds friends and then has to fight to save them, but really it’s all a metaphor for something bigger. And actually that was not a very good way to start a post but I’m not apologising and maybe you are just about to click away but before you go, I think I should mention that in this blog post I will be BEING RUDE ABOUT JOHNNY DEPP. Just so you know. Might be an incentive to stay.

Is it a feminist film? Beans the weird lizard-with-breasts is the most important female character, and Rango, not that we should give him a cookie for this or anything, never treats her like rubbish like in so many films with a strong female character. When he tells her that she can’t come on their potentially dangerous adventure because she’s female, she just grabs a flaming torch out of his hand and jumps in after the others, leaving him behind. She can drive a wagon in an epic chase scene, and there is also a very funny aye-aye (I love those! They’re like permanently terrified-looking shrivelled homunculuses (that’s not even a word, it’s actually ‘homunculi’, I just thought it sounded better) with weird Benedict Cumberbatch fingers) called Priscilla who is very wise. However, both these awesome female characters descend into screaming somewhat pathetically, getting squeezed by giant snakes and- guess what?- having to be saved by Rango, I.E, the male lead. In fact, now I think of it, most of the cool stuff Beans does seems to be very much in the vein of “Ha ha ha- a strong woman! How weird! Shall we put her in a cage, and charge people to come and have a look?” But if there was a sequel I hope it would involve a team made up of Beans, Priscilla and Waffles (more of him later), and then Rango would start getting squeezed to death, but actually they wouldn’t care and he’d die. So then Johnny Depp would be out of a job and wouldn’t get to be in the next installment. Ha ha ha ha HA *cue maniacal laughter*

Is it disturbing? This film certainly contains more violence, language and death than most supposedly “kids'” animated films. Particularly that last one: normally no-one, not even the baddies, die, but here even some of the good characters do. The most evil baddie doesn’t actually die. His name is Rattlesnake Jake (alliterative names, huh) and is voiced by Bill Nighy, He can also rock a hat like Aramis from The Musketeers (INSTANT COOL POINTS.) Unfortunately, he also thinks it’s okay to go around licking women’s faces. News flash- it’s not! Can someone call Thelma and Louise, so they can come and shoot the wheels off his truck, and then make it explode?

And… does it pass the Bechdel test? Yes, just about, but the female characters’ dialogue is somewhat monosyllabic. REVISION: Weeeeeeell, actually, no. What was I thinking, writing that? It only passes the Bechdel test if you consider “Hello Beans”/”Hello Angelique”/”Tart”/”Floozy”/”Trollop” as a proper conversation.

Note: this film also contains a strange horned lizard called Waffles- Waffles!- who is definitely the best male character and SO CUTE that it will make your head explode. You can see him sort of in the front holding a torch there. Not convinced? There’s one bit where he wears a little top hat. There. Now you should believe me. (I just couldn’t resist putting this image in. Can you see him on the wagon? I can’t because when my head exploded my eyes exploded too. But I hope you can.)

Finally, a note to be made: I can understand that one of the things that might put some (utterly sensible and right-thinking) people off this film is that the person who plays Rango is- ew!- Johnny Depp. Johnny horrible-abusive-to-his-wife-spends-30,000-a-month-on-wine-misogynistic bloody Depp. But hey, the film is pretty quirky and fun, and an added bonus is that as it’s animated you don’t have to see his face* even once!

*I don’t like Johnny Depp’s face, not at all. I find it- and everything attached to it, and all the words that come out of it- sincerely creepy. And if you disagree, then just go to YouTube and put in “johnny depp hello little girl into the woods”. Johnny Depp, dressed up as a ‘wolf’ (a costume that consists of a ridiculous trilby hat with ears on it, and some whiskers glued to his nose), menacing a young girl whilst- horror of horrors- SINGING. To paraphrase an advert I’m sure you’re familiar with- that’s not at all creepy!